a song for midwestern nights

i’m from softball fields, dusty and dry, kicking around some old man’s empty budweiser can when i’m barely as tall as my dog

i’m from cold water and pine trees, cut up feet on the rocks near lake superior

i’m from car rides with a boy who doesn’t love me but says he does. i’m from weak enough to believe him

i’m from falling in love with my best friend and not realizing it until she moves in with the boyfriend who has never held her hair when she’s sick, never picked her up at midnight when her parents made her feel unloveable

i’m from glitter pens and sneakers, joysticks and stickers

you caught me off guard

this is a list of some of the food i love to eat

macaroni and cheese
spaghetti
danish meatball things (frikadeller they don't translate)
pretzels
hearts (lol)
lasagna
fettucine alfredo
tomatoes
tacos
carbonara
steak
mashed potatoes
scalloped potatoes
baked potatoes
french fries

i eat too much pasta and like, wow, potatoes

two drowned girls

I fell in love on the water
serene blues and rippling waves and
a water strider skating by like I always thought I’d do someday

I fell in love on the water
under sun and sky and
with the wind by my side

I fell in love on the water
and I’m not here anymore
but

I fell in love on the water
and on the water our love will stay

another high, another low

this is a list of some of my favorite words in danish

forgaars (the day before yesterday)
laekker (delicious, attractive)
hils (give my regards, say hello to)
at blive (to become)
skuespiller (actor/actress)
hygge (a feeling of comforting coziness - more or less untranslatable)
uhyggeligt (a modification of hygge - expressing disgust or contempt)

you'll become one freaky creature

I have a scar on my leg from a time someone hurt me. Most of the time I can wish him away, forget it all ever happened, but then I see the small damned  scratch that will never heal, right where my knee hits my calf.

I can't repress that scar, but god do I try. It feels okay to hurt sometime, but only when it's on my terms, when it's catharsis and not trauma.

He hurt me and the scar doesn't hurt but what that scar means still does and I don't know if it will ever not hurt.

i'm well-acquainted with villains that live in my head

i've been trying to decide what it is about witches and dragons that is so attractive to me. the idea of an outcast with inimitable power? something so strong that its power is its beauty?

i've always wanted to be that, to be above, to ethereal, to be better, to be unattainable and envied. a dragon sits atop their treasure looking out at everything else in the hoard, and a witch watches those around her, cursing and blessing and hexing as she sees fit, needing no validation but her own.

i have dragons in my belly and witches in my head, and with all that magic in my veins, who am i to deny it?

i'm not sure where church members come in but i know that i'm not a mouse but a dragon, a witch, and i spent far too long discounting myself to not believe now.

got yourself a beauty queen

You’re three.
It starts with pink ribbons and bows
pushing away boys who
giggle and laugh
and get too close again
already aware that our desires pale next to theirs

You’re six.
those boys from the park who always got too close
sit beside you and fingerpaint
and still don’t listen when you want to be left alone

You’re twelve.
that leotard from gymnastics feels even tighter when
you’re walking to the bus stop
and the jacket’s not long enough
and they are animals

You’re fifteen.
there’s no way to win
too much make-up makes a slut
and too little makes a prudish shrew
and you’re always picked last when the boys are team captain in gym class until you finally convince yourself that the short-shorts are alright

You’re eighteen.
and it hits like a wall of bricks
sex is the greatest (only) weapon you have because it’s all you’re worth
You’re twenty.
and it doesn’t feel like anything has changed
but when little boys get too close to little girls
it twists something in your gut until there’s no choice
but to go back to when you were that little girl